‘The shared error of their marriage had grown to be a bond.’
— Nancy Pearl (@Nancy_Pearl) August 31, 2019
Shirley Hazzard - The Great Fire
No requests for help, but TBF it was early. Even without the shirt, I usually elicit at least two requests. Something about my demeanor screams assistant manager.
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 31, 2019
Can we please get a do-over of that God awful "Poseidon Adventure" remake directed by James Cameron or Ridley Scott?
— J.R. McGrail 📎 (@JRMcGrail) August 31, 2019
"When powerful people demand civility from those with less power, what they are really saying is that they expect obedience from their lessers."https://t.co/CmhJOwNz6n
— Merlin Mann (@hotdogsladies) August 31, 2019
I passed Allison Janney on the street and said nothing because that's how you respect the Empress.
— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) August 30, 2019
This kid gets it. pic.twitter.com/4eAWqT5Ul0
— Ben (@BenHowe) August 30, 2019
Serious question. Aren’t transcripts a perfect use case for block chain? https://t.co/kyWxhoU04K
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 31, 2019
A year ago, I withdrew a commitment to start my Ph.D. @UVA because of a serious health crisis with my single mom, a career educator. Today, I got to call her and tell that I was accepted to @HarvardCEPR #SDP fellowship for the next two years.
— Krystafer Redden (@KrystaferRedden) August 31, 2019
Dreams may delay, but they don’t die
Kill me now. https://t.co/NQm1TQVhnN
— J.R. McGrail 📎 (@JRMcGrail) August 30, 2019
Hot take: Being appointed a college president doesn’t automatically qualify someone as an expert on higher education.
— Kevin R. McClure (@kevinrmcclure) August 29, 2019
When I die, no funeral. Just this playing on a big tv pic.twitter.com/bGdpcrHKqf
— maphew (@courtesyfavstar) August 29, 2019
An idea for the news industry to collaborate on. Sometimes a news org decides to take down the paywall on a story because it's important that everyone see it. Make an RSS feed of that that combines all such stories across all pubs. Make spreading the news even more efficient.
— Dave (@davewiner) August 29, 2019
Deep-fried Oreos are the perfect boardwalk food. I know. I know
— Nancy Pearl (@Nancy_Pearl) August 29, 2019
“Every reader reads himself into the book”
— Paul Holdengraber (@holdengraber) August 28, 2019
~ J. W. Goethe, born on this day, in 1749
Proust echoes Goethe pic.twitter.com/r9435c0lZW
Hops has evolved into a rug so I don’t know if this applies https://t.co/L9O633HYJV
— Marco Arment (@marcoarment) August 28, 2019
Spoiler: it was close for a bit, but USA pulled it together at the end. https://t.co/4EyloMInj2
— George Siemens (@gsiemens) August 28, 2019
STEYER STRAITS: MONEY FOR NOTHING https://t.co/51fOsqEOiL
— Ariel Edwards-Levy (@aedwardslevy) August 28, 2019
“There's nothing more permanent than a temporary hack.” https://t.co/nsxAyCrcMk
— Dave (@davewiner) August 29, 2019
maybe if millennials didn’t buy an avocado toast every single day, then they could afford to purchase a house in 1955 like everyone else.
— Myq Kaplan (@myqkaplan) August 28, 2019
I was merely going to present a flag to a family. I was not prepared for what I found.https://t.co/VmMFdgxPog
— Angry Staff Officer (@pptsapper) August 29, 2019
No. This is a dick move. https://t.co/KQJH835YrS
— J.R. McGrail 📎 (@JRMcGrail) August 29, 2019
Faces of Greed: The Sackler Family https://t.co/SuhuUmIP5s via @YouTube
— Jim Meehan, MD (@DocMeehan) August 29, 2019
just voluntarily took three books of the like 11 packed out of my vacation luggage because the bag was getting too heavy... this is growth... this is maturity.........
— Daniel D'Addario (@DPD_) August 29, 2019
You can be fat and lazy and still where Nike’s.
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 28, 2019
Admit it. Choosing the gif for this weekly tweet is secretly the best part of your job.
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 28, 2019
Emergency stop sign projected onto a water curtain by Laservision prevents trucks from entering tunnels they're too large for. pic.twitter.com/93JHKd5yGD
— Machine Pix (@MachinePix) August 27, 2019
My neighbor across the street had a pumpkin plant take over his entire front yard. I asked him what fertilizer he used. “None! This was an accident from our jack o’ lantern.” Then like captain Ahab he stared into the distance and said, “I’ve just got to see this through.” pic.twitter.com/mQBI3Hbd8m
— Sonya Huber (@sonyahuber) August 27, 2019
I start colleges classes in the morning.
— SarahcasticMommy (@SarahcasticMom) August 26, 2019
I'm 38 and haven't been in a classroom in 20 years.
My message: It's never too late to rechart your course.
*Breathing into a paper bag and shitting in my pants a little.
“Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man and writing an exact man.” - Francis Bacon
— Douglas Allen (@DouglasHAllen) August 27, 2019
I had that title once. But I apparently blew it by failing to write a screenplay.
— Walt Mossberg (@waltmossberg) August 27, 2019
“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.
— Yusuf Sanni (@buchtweets) August 25, 2019
Your first name + your last name = your sad failed writer name
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) August 26, 2019
You cannot nuke a hurricane for obvious reasons. The resulting shockwaves could reverberate into space, shatter the Phantom Zone and release galactic criminals into our atmosphere who may then try to invade Earth. I can’t believe this is even a discussion.
— edgarwright (@edgarwright) August 26, 2019
Trying to get advice from many different people then trying to average all of the advice together into a cohesive plan is like trying to make the most delicious dinner by putting all of the dishes from a buffet into a bucket then blending it into a smoothie
— Dalton Caldwell (@daltonc) August 26, 2019
Small town midwesterners be like “let’s drive around”
— Midwest vs Everybody (@midwestern_ope) August 26, 2019
Jeremy renner is like if a normal guy who works at Dicks sporting goods was granted many wishes by god
— Nick Ciarelli (@nickciarelli) August 25, 2019
Bought this from @joegarden and had never heard of it. But it’s a cool game, the kid loves it. Was it popular? pic.twitter.com/GfFv4xSnjM
— Carl Newman (@ACNewman) August 26, 2019
NetNewsWire 5.0 Now Available: https://t.co/LvM9nHcCDx
— Brent Simmons (@brentsimmons) August 26, 2019
MOVE IN WEEKEND
— Jon Hamm (@MikeZakarian) August 26, 2019
Parent: you’re gonna love my kid. Self sufficient and independent!
Me: okay
14 HOURS LATER
Parent email: MY DAUGHTER ONLY GOT 5 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT BECAUSE HER ROOMMATE GOT UP TO PEE ONCE YOU NEED TO FIX THIS NOW
Early morning hot take: We would be a lot better off if we taught teenagers basic statistics and causal inference instead of trigonometry
— Maya Sen (@maya_sen) August 26, 2019
— J.R. McGrail 📎 (@JRMcGrail) August 26, 2019
this ad looks like... pic.twitter.com/uJqM3zL1Pc
— Daniel D'Addario (@DPD_) August 26, 2019
I've been scrolling until my wrists ache, and no one has mentioned The Point by Harry Nilsson yet, and I am EMBARRASSED for you all pic.twitter.com/QNMnWx14OU
— Eric The Fruit Bat (@TwiggyJake) August 26, 2019
Local Hero - Mark Knopfler. Beautiful soundtrack to a wonderful movie ❤️ pic.twitter.com/uO1nk3NYtq
— Jules Cater (@jules_cater) August 26, 2019
Passion by Peter Gabriel for the Last Temptation of Christ. pic.twitter.com/kqAnUSXOyj
— Briar Levit (@BriarMade) August 26, 2019
Can’t believe no one has mentioned pic.twitter.com/0eyBC5nTZ7
— Ollie James (@OllieNYankees) August 25, 2019
✍ by @tomgauld pic.twitter.com/FQ3EkVW12M
— New Scientist (@newscientist) August 26, 2019
“Hey, hey. Listen, I have a lot of responsibilities.”
— Andy Smarick (@smarick) August 25, 2019
—Our 7yo son when I ask him for the hundredth time why in heaven’s name he still doesn’t have on his shoes and socks.
Occasionally, a trend piece announces that podcasts are a recent phenomenon that legacy stars are making sustainable.
— Merlin Mann (@hotdogsladies) August 25, 2019
It's silly and frustrating, but mostly I hope it helps new folks discover a very special medium where weirdos connect with other weirdos in an oddly moving way.
I am YMCA-boot-camp-instructor-stops-me-during-class-to-make-eye-contact-and-ask-how-I’m-doing years old.
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 25, 2019
I added Aerosmith ft. Run DMC to this video of the shadow of a millipede walking and it has amused me more than it should have done. pic.twitter.com/esyBCaugXn
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) August 23, 2019
Me: “I wonder what’s going on in the world?” Twitter: pic.twitter.com/nWk5jFyyhG
— Marc Porter Magee (@marcportermagee) August 22, 2019
Sept 10 “One More Thing” announcement:
— Storm Garelli (@StormGarelli) August 22, 2019
“Apple Card Socks!” pic.twitter.com/y5IExnLMcU
It’s a really great day when you get to brag about your multiple elite degrees and virtue signal in the same Tweet.
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 23, 2019
Reading @sarahmbroom’s wonderful Yellow House. If this doesn’t win a ton of literary awards I’m giving up any cred I have as a reader/reviewer
— Nancy Pearl (@Nancy_Pearl) August 22, 2019
Someone today asked me if I wanted to read Smash Mouth's "All Star" translated into Aramaic and then back to English. The answer to that question is always yes. pic.twitter.com/wlZowIumvI
— The Slightly Irreverent Jennifer Maglio (@MaglioJen) August 22, 2019
A.A. Milne on happiness and how Winnie-the-Pooh was born 98 years ago today https://t.co/o8QJo5Yv87 pic.twitter.com/TlKW0Sp5VR
— Maria Popova (@brainpicker) August 21, 2019
Work in 1960: Type out memos on a typewriter.
— Aaron Levie (@levie) August 21, 2019
Work in 1980: Type out memos in a word processor.
Work in 2000: Type out memos in an email.
Work in 2020: Collaboratively edit a task list in real-time while on a video call and responding to texts in six different chat apps.
Just because I choose not to drink doesn't automatically make me no fun. That is a separate choice, which I've also made.
— Sarah J (@Trisarahjtops) August 20, 2019
My goal for my last few weeks of employment is to get the motion sensor lights to shut off while I’m at my desk.
— Jon Hamm (@MikeZakarian) August 21, 2019
THE EEL
— Tim Gavrich (@TimGavrich) August 21, 2019
I don’t mind eels
Except as meals
—Ogden Nash https://t.co/S2HG9t2mv8
Review https://t.co/47w2PUMoNK https://t.co/44cau5KUI6 pic.twitter.com/736L8E9dSy
— XKCD Comic (@xkcdComic) August 21, 2019
Exactly what came to mind but I didn’t have the energy.
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 21, 2019
This sounds like a great program... but as a former equity analyst, those white jeans merit an instant, mid-day downgrade. https://t.co/A75vCcsPuu
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 21, 2019
I think you have it backwards. I think Greenlands should be the new system of measurement. For example, outstanding federal student loans currently total around 2,600 Greenlands.
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 21, 2019
Too on the nose.
— Julian Fleisher (@JulianFlei) August 21, 2019
lol it’s an honor just to be plagiarized ;) pic.twitter.com/KCpVkleIUW
— Daniel D'Addario (@DPD_) August 20, 2019
Managers stop by to make sure you’re working. Leaders stop by to encourage you in your work.
— Danny Steele (@SteeleThoughts) August 19, 2019
"Could Wolverine get a Caillou tattoo, and would it grow back?" is a thing I just typed.
— Merlin Mann (@hotdogsladies) August 20, 2019
For my WORK.
my Matrix 4 spec script (hope I get the gig!):
— Daniel D'Addario (@DPD_) August 20, 2019
[CARRIE V.O.:] They say that every matrix... has an Ex-axis. But after leaving Big, I was thrilled to find someone *new* — who didn’t need a blue pill.
SAMANTHA: Ladies, meet my new client!
NEO: hi
I’m a sucker for a never-redesigned package but wow this one pushes the unredesigned limits. So weird!!! pic.twitter.com/yDitbCBnbO
— Cabel (@cabel) August 20, 2019
Lot of hot Matrix takes out there, so here's mine: Matrix Reloaded is a fantastic movie right up to the moment the Architect shows up. The rest of the series, from that point on, I don't care for. (I've got the whole trilogy on Blu-Ray but haven't dared to revisit the sequels.)
— Jason Snell (@jsnell) August 20, 2019
dear new grad students starting MA/PhD coursework,
— Caroline Holland (@caromholland) August 19, 2019
the loud male grad students in your seminars who name-drop fancy concepts without explaining them are not smarter than you
OK, now this is just mean... pic.twitter.com/jGjzsqVSTN
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 20, 2019
Havana, the lead single from our upcoming album, JUST DROPPED on all streaming services! Go listen now, and enjoy your trip to the tropics with The Yale Alley Cats! 🏝https://t.co/P7G7SWWjCl
— The Yale Alley Cats (@YaleAlleyCats) August 18, 2019
I think everyone should get an alert every time they eat at White Castle.
— James S Murphy (@James_S_Murphy) August 17, 2019
It's possible she came on board only so she could annoy you as much as you're annoying her.
— Andy Ihnatko (@Ihnatko) August 17, 2019
The error was staying at the Palms
— Micah Gantman (@mfg) August 17, 2019
It’s simple, Darren - Next time don’t spend $3.57 at the gift shop.
— Mike Beauvais (@MikeBeauvais) August 17, 2019
Can you really call yourself a midwesterner if you don’t understand the struggle of hitting a pot hole so hard that you apologize to your car out loud? pic.twitter.com/jAgQixogQv
— Midwest vs Everybody (@midwestern_ope) August 17, 2019
I’m “I now walk around the grocery store muttering to myself about its objectionable selection and layout” years old.
— Andy Smarick (@smarick) August 17, 2019
OK you guys, I’m a little proud of this. My old college singing groups just dropped this. And it’s damn good. https://t.co/WFa8NE6ccq
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 17, 2019
Still reading my book on Freud and still coming across some gems. Here's a nice bit of career advice from Freud about how to deliver a top-notch lecture. pic.twitter.com/wI1Dr3R84x
— Randy McCarthy (@RandyJMcCarthy) August 17, 2019
Day 4. Pos 46° 20‘ N 015° 46‘ W
— Greta Thunberg (@GretaThunberg) August 17, 2019
Eating and sleeping well and no sea sickness so far. Life on Malizia II is like camping on a roller coaster! pic.twitter.com/pf1PnqYCov
Live footage of the UK leaving the EU pic.twitter.com/f8HoRBi2wU
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) August 17, 2019
d e s e r t g o l f i n g
— Kevin Hainline (@Kevin_Hainline) August 17, 2019
The top five are Texas, Texas, Texas, Texas and Texas
— Sarah Kendzior (@sarahkendzior) August 17, 2019
In the best yet things-my-nephews-have-done, the 7 year old ordered a burger today, and was asked if he wanted it medium. "Could you please make it very large?" he asked. Told that the choice was between medium or well done, he asked if the chef could do the best he could. Yes.
— Andy Kesson (@andykesson) August 16, 2019
China tariffs or Dinner with Trump. It's Sophie's Choice, really https://t.co/Aeo1hPlkfx
— J.R. McGrail 📎 (@JRMcGrail) August 17, 2019
Just overheard a benign, NESCAC-y bro at this bar say “it was shit you’d only see in a Mark Rothko painting!” and I both do and do not want to know that to which he’s referring
— Daniel D'Addario (@DPD_) August 16, 2019
This quote was the first thing that came into my mind when I heard of Epstein’s death. I now understand Don Vito Corleone’s superstition.
— Victor Asemota (@asemota) August 16, 2019
I'm a Superstitious Man | Epsilon Theory https://t.co/QI7GVXh9b8
Trying to explain to my wife why I need to leave at 5:30am to go run 3 miles at 6:30 and then be back home at 8:00 to shower and go to work.
— Tim Mathews ⚖️ (@timmathews) August 16, 2019
“You’re wasting 2.5 hours to run 3 miles? Why not just run 3 miles on our treadmill and save 2 hours?”
“That’s not how the Army works.”
Just spotted on a recruiting poster in the window of a coding school in San Francisco: “Ivy League salary. No enrollment ‘gifts’ required”
— Goldie Blumenstyk (@GoldieStandard) August 17, 2019
— J.R. McGrail 📎 (@JRMcGrail) August 16, 2019
PROSECUTOR: Your honor, I would like to call our expert witness, John Siracusa…
— Merlin Mann (@hotdogsladies) August 16, 2019
SIRACUSA: "Siracusa."
P: I'm sorry?
S: It's pronounced, "Siracusa."
P: Okay. Sorry. So, Mr. Siracusa…
S: Hang on. First, we have some follow-up. https://t.co/mfGvQGGt3a
I would definitely include The Abyss. Now if we could only get #jamescameron to issue the BluRay!
— Peter Jackson (@pjofyork) August 17, 2019
Seven Director’s Cuts to Watch After #ApocalypseNow https://t.co/YCX1GmNnHC pic.twitter.com/ZBNBVm5Sk4
— IndieWire (@IndieWire) August 17, 2019
My alma mater’s contribution. pic.twitter.com/Da9cMBUvPJ
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 17, 2019
In the best yet things-my-nephews-have-done, the 7 year old ordered a burger today, and was asked if he wanted it medium. "Could you please make it very large?" he asked. Told that the choice was between medium or well done, he asked if the chef could do the best he could. Yes.
— Andy Kesson (@andykesson) August 16, 2019
I just discovered my XO, @elchicoyeye, is a single space after a period guy... If you’re in the market for a FA MAJ he is available for hire.
— Jason T. Williams (@jtw_ngc98) August 16, 2019
protip: alias sudo to "please" for a much more wholesome unix experience pic.twitter.com/Lw3h89RmXs
— Katerina Borodina (@kathyra_) August 12, 2019
No matter how bad your day is, just remember that a team of people are out there making @BillandTed3 into a thing and everything’s going to be okay.
— Chris Douch (@ThisisDouch) August 12, 2019
Marine Vet Grandfather's first salute to Marine Granddaughter. pic.twitter.com/BiAOjuBv5b
— Kevin W. (@Brink_Thinker) August 12, 2019
This is silly. Op-Ed pages are full of PR every day. If they published you advocating a policy that favored public universities would it matter that you are paid to advocate those positions? It’s his position with GMU that represents the conflict, not some email from Amazon exec.
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 13, 2019
Personally I don't think the Constitution should have any age requirements at all but if you're going to have them, I think you definitely want both an age ceiling and an age floor. The argument for the ceiling might be a little stronger, in fact.
— Nate Silver (@NateSilver538) August 12, 2019
Just saw an extremely lucky young man’s girlfriend explain to him that even though Houston has “no zoning,” minimum parking rules and other land use regulations significantly constrain dense development.
— Matthew Yglesias (@mattyglesias) August 10, 2019
Is this hype? Am I doing hype correctly?
— Quinn Rose (@aspiringrobotfm) August 8, 2019
A little girl engrossed in a book in a corner of Foyles' bookshop. Soho, London, England, UK (1949) pic.twitter.com/E3H1pxne2n
— #BookLovers 📚 (@BookChat_) August 10, 2019
Me to 8yo nephew: "My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die."
— Angry Staff Officer (@pptsapper) August 6, 2019
Him: "I don't have six fingers on my right hand"
He is being raised well
First time in my life I've been a lawful evil
— Angry Staff Officer (@pptsapper) August 10, 2019
Feels...good? https://t.co/pl6CzJmxDO
I just overheard someone say something in real life that sounded interesting but I didn't quite get and my knee-jerk reaction was to hit the Overcast back button help me
— Quinn Rose (@aspiringrobotfm) August 5, 2019
When the NYT steals @DPD_'s bit https://t.co/sYEfylOacC
— Esther Zuckerman (@ezwrites) August 5, 2019
american politics be like https://t.co/Yd4QqzBjyH
— smol sean bean uwu (@tolntran) August 5, 2019
My latest LinkedIn connect request and I am officially 1,000 years old. pic.twitter.com/915L9AQNNo
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 5, 2019
One of my PSGs found a sock in the motor pool and handed it to a PFC to throw away, causing me to immediately say, "Master has given PFC [redacted] a sock. SFC [Redacted] has given PFC his freedom" and then everyone stared at me and hi, the Army lets me command a company
— Angry Staff Officer (@pptsapper) August 4, 2019
It's hard to know what to say in the wake of tragedy, which is why I often try to say nothing and let others speak -- and which is why I feel hesitant amplifying the voices of dull opportunists like Neil deGrasse Tyson, other than to say that his is definitely the wrong way to be
— Daniel D'Addario (@DPD_) August 4, 2019
Today I found out that on a cars gas gauge there’s an arrow telling you what side the cap is on. My mind is blown. pic.twitter.com/h0LKfShU4r
— Collin Donnell (@collindonnell) August 4, 2019
😳😳😳 We can definitely help transform this space into something a little less bed and a little more bath
— Bed Bath & Beyond (@BedBathBeyond) August 3, 2019
We are all Baltimore
— David Griffith (@griffithd50) August 3, 2019
As one who works in a historic Philadelphia social service agency focused on the issues of intergenerational poverty and the associated solutions for... https://t.co/Z77ofzWwRB
my Netflix DVD subscription has devolved into a rent-to-own scheme whereby I pay a major corporation a monthly fee to continue possessing unwatched discs of "Safe" and "All That Jazz"
— Daniel D'Addario (@DPD_) August 2, 2019
You could set your clock by when a new episode of when @thetalkshow comes out. It’d be a really fucked up clock but you could do it.
— Guy English (@gte) July 31, 2019
Turns out, martinis and pulled pork nachos are not the recipe for feeling very well the next morning
— Angry Staff Officer (@pptsapper) August 2, 2019
Who knew
Free Trump rally tickets are overpriced.
— Trumpy Trumpy (parody) (@outofcontroljb) August 2, 2019
I blame reefer madness.
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) August 2, 2019
New rules:
— Jon Becker (@jonbecker) August 1, 2019
1. If you call your professional development event a "boot camp," there has to be physical training involved.
2. If you call your professional development event a "camp" of some kind, there must be S'mores.
I don't make the rules; I'm just the messenger.
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