It says “within the year.” Every time you read it, the clock resets. Best to simply burn it.
— Charlie Griffith (@cegriff3) January 1, 2020
Perqs of being married to me:
— RPG (@RPG_volley) December 31, 2019
- I know the difference between perk (lively, pert) and perq (from perquisite).
We must compromise to keep our republic. https://t.co/HVk0qUXPw4
— Dave (@davewiner) December 31, 2019
Whatever the recipe is, I substituted whiskey for the milk, the water, and the eggs.
— Erin Lyndal Martin (@erinlyndal) December 31, 2019
i remember it was adapted into the short lived sitcom "Child Showrunner"
— Richard Orzechowski (@R_Orzechowski) December 31, 2019
6 Year Old Rob enters.
Rob: This scwipt needed to be done Friday.
Writers: Scwipt, awww.
Rob: All you mother^$#^s are fired, I'll have your f&%$ing careers, I'll eat your f=#&%ing souls!
Solid tv.
In a trenchant passage, @michikokakutani writes in @nytimes, "Without reliable information, citizens cannot make informed decisions about the issues of the day, and we cannot hold politicians to account. Without commonly agreed upon facts, we cannot have reasoned debates with ...
— Alan C. Miller (@alanmillerNLP) December 29, 2019
And remember when you hop on the bus to go downtown that somebody has to wake up early on these fake days, stay sober and drive the bus. So thank your bus driver.
— Dave🚴♂️O'Dell 🌹 (@BicycleDaveO) December 29, 2019
Walking into Target, I passed an 11 or 12yo boy wheeling out a suitcase almost as big as he was.
— Audrey Burges (@Audrey_Burges) December 26, 2019
His adult: “So, that’s it, huh?”
Kid (gasping with excitement): “This is EXACTLY what I wanted to buy with all my Christmas money. I’m gonna go EVERYWHERE.”
I hope he does!
Perhaps best strategy here is to say, "I will comply after Trump's people comply — not a minute before."
— J.R. McGrail 📎 (@JRMcGrail) December 28, 2019
You follow someone for years, enjoying tweets that have nothing to do with your hobbies/profession, and then one day out of the blue, it’s like he’s suddenly looking right at you. https://t.co/zJGcNxHOmf
— John Siracusa (@siracusa) December 28, 2019
Wowzer, the LAF is on Jeopardy! pic.twitter.com/YqBsZKlQ3n
— Nancy Pearl (@Nancy_Pearl) December 28, 2019
Because Donald Trump is an ignorant, mean-spirited, twisted shell of a human being, I will enthusiastically support whoever the Democratic nominee for President is in 2020.
— Ken Olin (@kenolin1) December 26, 2019
Won’t you?
Best spoiler warning ever https://t.co/mQTrUpWiWn pic.twitter.com/ronjLrugIk
— Meryl Kornfield (@MerylKornfield) December 26, 2019
He’s got exceptionally poor client qualification, is actively hostile to better branding, refuses to focus on what he is good at, charges too little, and has poor collection practices which are downstream of working for an unending collection of muppets. https://t.co/42zEHfF5T8
— Patrick McKenzie (@patio11) December 27, 2019
I joined a gym today. Normally that is not news. But when a guy 2.5 years into his fight against ALS joins a gym because he sees true hope for our fight in 2020 and because he wants a front row seat to that revolution, that—that is worth a tweet.
— Brian Wallach (@bsw5020) December 27, 2019
Had to get a new washer dryer (17 yrs! Thanks Maytag) and the guys installing it asked “you didn’t make this your wife’s Christmas present right?”
— Diedrich Bader (@bader_diedrich) December 26, 2019
“No”
“Cause the guy at the last house did and that was a bad scene man”
I feel seen. https://t.co/SpAcqQpU0U
— Trace Urdan (@Trace_Urdan) December 26, 2019
— J.R. McGrail 📎 (@JRMcGrail) December 24, 2019
"My son is God." - Mary, the original and truly greatest Jewish Mother
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) December 24, 2019
Merry pic.twitter.com/a6bD59X1pi
— J.R. McGrail 📎 (@JRMcGrail) December 25, 2019
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